Maria McDowell: “Dear Women, Stop Seeing Each Other as Competition”
As a tall, driven Black woman, Maria McDowell - founder of lollipop Mentoring - has had a complicated relationship with confidence through her life and career. But instead of letting her insecurities hold her back, she chose to embrace them and push forwards. From battling imposter syndrome to becoming a powerful mentor and inspiration to women across the industry, in this interview with LBB’s Sunna Coleman, Maria shares her story and most empowering advice.
LBB> What has your relationship with confidence been like over the years?
Maria> I’m not sure if I ever really had massive amounts of confidence for the most part. When I was younger I realised that as a Black woman who is close to 6ft tall, no matter how I tried to hide it, I was going to be seen. A lot of it was about just giving in and not caring, I’m not sure if that was about confidence or more so resigning myself to just pushing forwards.
I have learned that a lot of people just really blag it, the realisation that not everyone knows what they are doing so perhaps I can ‘wing it’ too. That attitude has really helped me cope with imposter syndrome but recognising insecurities and saying ‘yes’ to things anyway has really helped me to push forwards. The mantra ‘done is better than perfect’ is something which has held true to me, although I have to have constant pep talks with myself to keep me on track. I am a work in progress...
LBB> How can we encourage intergenerational support among women?
Maria> I think people learn by seeing. Being empathetic to others is a skill most people have but they don’t always show, for fear of appearing weak or for being taken advantage of. Being kind and finding someone to help shows others that they can do it too. The urge to give back if you have benefitted is the pull most people have if they too have been touched by acts of kindness. This definitely happened to me when I was mentored and when I received a blood transfusion. People learn by seeing and I believe that people are generally good people. It’s a massive opportunity.
LBB> What are some things you wish you could tell your younger self about life, career and confidence?
Maria> That it’s all ok, don’t be too hard on yourself. You are beautiful and trust yourself. You are imperfectly perfect.
LBB> What has building lollipop Mentoring taught you about resilience and confidence?
Maria> That seeking council is good. You should be open to hearing other views but that your vision is YOUR VISION. Not everyone can help you, listen anyway. I have been hurt by people not living up to their promises or even ghosting. But you have to dust yourself off and keep going. Everyone has their own struggles that you know nothing about. So trying to have empathy despite when you’re treated poorly is something I struggle with but I am getting better. Promise!
LBB> Who has been an important female mentor for you and how do you carry down what she taught you to those who you mentor?
Maria> I have so many female mentors, from friends and family to coaches. So many people have dropped gems of encouragement which have lifted me out of very low periods of doubt and personal low points. They help me by being themselves. Giving it to me straight with no ambiguity but also with love. I personally need direct feedback - this shouldn’t be harsh, it should be done with love, but it does need to be clear (at least this is how things land best with me). I try and do the same with people I mentor, maybe with a bit more honey but I think honesty and straightforward feedback / advice is best. Trying to be liked doesn’t always foster the changes needed. I try and ask my mentees whether they work best with direct feedback / thoughts so that I manage expectations. Not everyone operates in this way and I am conscious of this.
LBB> Turning ambition into a reality is easier said than done. What is your advice to working women who feel stuck?
Maria>
- Find someone you trust who you can speak to (a mentor). Ideally someone who can hold you accountable.
- Write out your goals.
- Do small things towards them every day. This will make you feel like you are achieving something. Even if it's sorting out files on your desktop.
- Remember – done is better than perfect. You can always change things afterwards so do what you can and stop second guessing yourself.
- Stop looking at everyone else, they are not you and they cannot bring what you can to the market.
- It's ok for things to be wrong or not work, you’ve learned, take a breath and go again tomorrow.
LBB> What are some ways in which you believe that women can help support each other more?
Maria>
- Be empathetic, don’t be a dick.
- Stop seeing each other as competition.
- If you can't do a job, or take advantage of an opportunity, suggest another woman who can. It takes nothing to mention another woman’s name. She’ll be flattered and hopefully she’ll start recommending you too and will pay it forward to others. We all have so much power and we can start to affect working norms and maybe even societal change.
