5 Essentials for Becoming a Positive Mentor

“I think the primary goal, for each of us, is to help others. Because otherwise, why does it feel so good when we do it?” Maria McDowell, founder of lollipop mentoring and operations director at Publicis Groupe UK creative agency, LeSHOP, is someone who knows the value of mentorship – from both sides of the relationship.

From sleepless nights before her first panel to being able to do them in her sleep, she’s experienced the transformational effects of empowerment first hand, and now dedicates herself to ensuring others get that same opportunity. It’s especially critical for those like her from minority groups, who need that extra advocacy to overcome systemic barriers. That’s why she founded lollipop mentoring, a non-profit CIC geared towards helping Black and marginalised women – who are significantly underrepresented in leadership roles – progress in their careers and fulfil their potential. 

Now, Maria’s fighting the misconceptions around mentorship and who’s able to provide it. “I get a lot of people saying, ‘I don’t know enough to be a mentor’, but you know so much more than you think you do, you’re more experienced than you think you are. You have to know that when you accomplish something, you can give that to somebody else. You can make a difference in someone’s life and career.” And in empowering others, you better appreciate your own achievements. “You recognise elements of where you used to be in them, and you’ll be surprised at how far you’ve come. It’s a mirror to you.”

So, if you’re inspired to take the leap and pass on your own wisdom, here are Maria’s top five tips for being an impactful mentor.

If you’re interested in becoming a mentor, or finding one for yourself, visit https://lollipopmentoring.com/signup/

1) Build a Strong Relationship

The foundation of any relationship is trust, and for that, you need to be understanding and reliable. 

“Remember that you have two ears and one mouth,” Maria advises, “so listen as much as possible. Get to grips with the person, rather than putting your assumptions onto them.” 

Find out exactly what your mentee wants from the relationship, and how they like to receive and give feedback. “Contracting is crucial, which in coaching is about setting expectations from the outset. Saying ‘I’m going to be really honest with you, are you okay with that? How do you learn best?’, and checking in on that all the time.”

Consistency is key, so set a schedule and agree on how often you will meet and communicate. Respect your mentee’s time – if you can’t make it to a meeting, be honest and give notice in advance. “Don’t ghost people!”

2) Set Clear Goals

“If you don’t elicit action, you’re just having nice conversations,” Maria reminds us, so set clear goals for your mentee. These will enable you and your mentee to measure their progress throughout the duration of the mentorship. 

Break down overarching goals into actionable steps, and establish which ones you want your mentee to have taken by your next session. “I normally have an objectives template that takes a really big goal someone has and makes it smaller. So if someone’s problem is a lack of confidence, we can start with a small step like posting something on LinkedIn. Next, they can volunteer to speak in their next team meeting.”

Be mindful of the fact that this may not always go to plan, and some extra coaching could be required. “If by the next session they’ve not had the opportunity to do it – they’re too scared, they’re not sleeping – then coach them into it. Maybe they need to prep before and have bullet points to hand. Once that fear is conquered, they can eventually lead up to being on a panel. It gets bigger and bigger, and by the end of the relationship, they can see what they’ve gotten out of it.”

3) Create a Safe Space for Open Dialogue

“You will only get the best out of a relationship if you can be human with someone,” says Maria. “We all put masks on sometimes, we all have the same insecurities, we all have the same worries. Show your mentee that they’re not alone and that it’s safe to share them.”

Make sure your mentee knows that they can share their feelings confidentially, without being judged. Being transparent about your own experiences will also invite them to do the same, provide real world context for your advice, and allow your mentee to learn from your successes and failures.

Be aware that you may need to be gentle with your feedback, as people can respond to such honesty differently. “Have empathy. My line is just, ‘Don’t be a dick’.” Put yourself in your mentees shoes, and remember a time you felt vulnerable and put a wall up. Maria casts her mind back, “I remember when I used to get feedback, I’d get super defensive because I felt really insecure. I see that in other people, too.” As a mentor, you need to have the emotional intelligence to notice that reaction, be empathetic to it, and find a way to hold your mentee accountable while maintaining a safe space. “If you look at your mentee as you give feedback and they recoil, have an open and honest conversation about how best you can help them. Keep checking in.”

4) Empower Your Mentee 

While identifying areas for growth, it’s crucial to also acknowledge the wins your mentee has already achieved. “It’s about championing them, boosting their confidence, and helping them feel a sense of progress.”

Celebrate even the small wins: “Just talking to someone is a win. And if it takes a long time to fulfil an objective, that’s okay – make sure they feel confident enough to try again.”

Reflecting on her own experiences, Maria shares, “My empowerment allows me to be a little bit independent, be a little bit brave. I still have my fear, but they're just demons that we all have to fight on a daily basis. It’s so important to have the mindset of ‘I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just going to do it anyway, and I won't die.’”

5) Curate the Right Conditions for Long-Lasting Impact

For long-lasting impact that goes beyond the mentorship, arm your mentee with useful techniques for things like salary negotiations or responding to feedback, and leverage your own resources and networks to open up opportunities.

“At the end of your official mentorship, don’t just let them go. You can keep going for coffees to make them feel cared for, or work out other ways to improve their life long term. If you’re not in a position to help, you probably know other people who can, so champion and advocate for them behind closed doors among people within your network.”

If you’re interested in becoming a mentor, or finding one for yourself, visit https://lollipopmentoring.com/signup/