Give Yourself A Love Hug

Photo credit: Pexels DS Stories

The gentle art of self love is exactly that.. an art, an exercise in creativity, a practice of gratitude and an essential tool for wellbeing.

In the quiet moments of our lives, we often forget the most fundamental relationship we have is the one with ourselves. Self-love, far from being a luxury or indulgence, is a vital force that shapes our wellbeing at the deepest physiological level. It's truly mind blowing how our bodies respond to the simple act of turning love inward, creating a cascade of healing that begins in our nervous system and ripples through every aspect of our being.

Think about the last time you felt truly loved. Perhaps it was a family moment full of laughter, a moment of real recognition, feeling seen and accepted, or maybe a gesture of kindness that made your shoulders drop and your breath deepen. Our bodies know the language of love intimately – it speaks through lowered heart rates, relaxed muscles, and the gentle wash of calming hormones that flood our system. What's remarkable is that we can create these same profound physiological responses through self-directed love and gratitude. A free resource available at your fingertips whenever and wherever you need it. 

The science behind this is beautiful in its simplicity. When we consciously cultivate feelings of love toward ourselves, our nervous system responds as if we were being held by a loved one. The parasympathetic nervous system – our body's natural calming mechanism – activates, creating a state of rest and restoration. Stress hormones decline, while oxytocin, our body's natural love hormone, rises. It's as if our body has been waiting for permission to relax into its own care forever.

Touch plays an essential role in this dance of self-love. In a world where physical contact has become increasingly rare, the simple act of self-hugging is a powerful tool for emotional regulation. It might feel awkward at first – we have been conditioned to seek comfort only from external sources. But when we wrap our arms around ourselves, we activate the same pressure receptors that respond to a loving squeeze from another. The body doesn't discriminate; it recognises the healing power of touch, whether it comes from ourselves or someone else. 

During my many years of being single I had a moment where I realised I would go weeks, sometimes months, without touch - I realised this only when I experienced a fright - someone put their hand on my back, a friendly gesture but it made me jump with the unexpectedness of it and it made me decide I had to be conscious of creating opportunities for the input of touch. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. 

So I started to give myself a hug on the regular! 

Try it now. Go on! Give yourself a hug! Wrap your arms around yourself, apply gentle pressure, and breathe deeply. Notice how your body responds to this gesture of self-care. You might feel a subtle shift – a softening, a warming, a gentle release of tension you didn't even know you were carrying. This isn't just in your imagination; it's your nervous system responding to the physical signal that you are safe, loved, and cared for.

The practice of self-love extends beyond these physical gestures, though they provide a tangible starting point. It's about creating a relationship with ourselves that honours our needs, acknowledges our struggles, and celebrates our existence. When we speak to ourselves with kindness, when we take moments throughout the day to check in with our bodies and emotions, we're building neural pathways of self-compassion that become stronger with each loving thought.

In my own journey with self-love, I've found that the most profound moments often come in the simplest gestures – a hand on my heart during moments of stress to ground, a whispered I am safe, or a YES! of encouragement when celebrating an achievement (no matter how small) or a moment of gratitude for my body's tireless work. These aren't big gestures, but with consistency they create a foundation of self-trust and emotional regulation that serves us in all aspects of life.

The beauty of cultivating self-love is that it doesn't just serve us individually. As we become more regulated, more attuned to our own needs and emotions, we naturally become more capable of extending that same love and understanding to others. Our relationships deepen, our boundaries become clearer, and our capacity for genuine connection expands. It's as if by filling our own cup, we create an overflow that nourishes everyone around us.

For those who find self-love challenging, remember that like any relationship, this one grows with time and attention. Start small. Start with gratitude and be grateful for everything!  Let your body guide you – it knows what it needs to feel safe and loved. The shift will come with the intention.

The practice of self-love is not just an indulgence but a necessity for emotional and physical wellbeing. Our nervous systems, designed for connection and regulation through love, respond powerfully to these internal gestures of care. Through conscious acts of self-love, we create an internal sanctuary of peace and balance that sustains us through life's challenges.

So I invite you to try wrapping yourself in a gentle squeeze. Feel the warmth of your own touch, the rhythm of your breath, the beating of your heart. In this one radical act, you're not just showing yourself love – you're creating a physiological state of healing and regulation that will carry you forward into tomorrow. Remember, you are worthy of your own love, and your body is waiting to respond to this most fundamental form of care.

Happy ‘Self Love’ Valentines Day xx