The Lessons I Learned (And the Mistakes I Made) as a New Father Trying to Run a Department

It’s ironic that this article, by CIPD, the professional body for people development, was written weeks before Covid and lockdown changed everything.

The article looked at the stigmas in the workplace that prevents men from being more involved parents, arguing that the UK was now facing a crisis of ‘fatherlessness’.

I’d be interested to hear the thoughts of the report’s authors now. Three years and multiple lockdowns on, there seems to have been a discernible shift in what fatherhood and being a working father means today.

Working from home has allowed many ‘out before the kids wake up and home after they go to bed’ parents to be more present, do more school drop-offs and share more meal times as a family. It’s also led to further conversations about fatherhood, and the rise of mainstream books and podcasts, like Josh Widdicombe and Rob Beckett’s ‘Parenting Hell’, which has done wonders to redefine what it means to be a dad.

But navigating fatherhood and work still poses many challenges – and whilst the first thing I need to address is just how significantly what I’m about to say opened my eyes to the many challenges women have faced for years when balancing the world of parenting and work, I do feel it’s important (particularly at this time, as we embark on a new school year) to share some experiences for Dads looking to embrace a new world of fatherhood in leadership too.

I’m lucky enough to be the design director of Brave Spark, a creative studio that’s grown from fifteen to fifty people in the past couple of years, and has a relentless energy and agility that means work is flying through the agency at a rapid rate.

And whilst the culture is one of support and inclusivity, the stigmas of the wider working world has still made me face my own questions and demons when it comes to fatherhood.

I’m a dad of a wonderful four-year-old. And since he was born I worked a four-day week, so that I could have every Wednesday off with him.

It’s been brilliant. But it’s also come with challenges. Challenges that I’m fully aware that many, many of my female counterparts (and a slowly increasing number of male) have been tackling for years.

As a working dad, I initially struggled to adapt to a new and unfamiliar scenario, in particular covering four key areas…

Time Management

Balancing work commitments, deadlines and meetings with family time, school events and bedtime stories can feel like a constant juggling act. As a new Dad I had to learn that it’s ok to say no. I found that putting in 15-minute meetings instead of 30 helped keep chats focused. And I even ended up scheduling when to have lunch, as I continued to forget.

I schedule emails one or even two days ahead if there’s something fresh in the memory but wouldn’t be of use sending immediately. And I now always book 30 minutes of ‘me’ time towards the end of the day to prioritise and tick off the objectives for the day. 

Flexibility

We all have days in this industry where it feels like we’re juggling too much. And then you add a loud, crazy, needy (but also wonderful) new human into the mix. It took me a while to realise it, but becoming a parent requires bold decision and creative solutions to being flexible. Embrace remote work options, define your schedule and communicate it - transparent communication is vital in managing expectations, keeping your team informed about your availability and managing any potential conflicts. And for those tasks that can’t flex, try taking a step back each morning to write down and process the key objectives for each day and week. If you get them done, chalk that up as a win and move on.

Getting on top of the guilt

The pressure to excel professionally while being present for your family can sometimes feel overwhelming. Work clashing with any family commitment can be brutal, but there has to be an understanding from both sides that either can take priorities at different moments. I’ve missed a few sports days and parents’ evenings for pitches and work events, and it doesn’t get any easier. My top learnings here have been to book dates early in the work calendar, openly communicate with your line manager the challenges and commitments so you can work together to solve them… and openly talk to your partner about it too, because if a pitch does have to take precedence, it’s easier if you’re on the same page.

Trying to be the hero

This dovetails with time management and flexibility but I feel warrants its own point, because I’ve spoken to many new Dads who have experienced this. Call it deeper insecurities in what it means to be masculine (especially when you’re working four days a week – “isn’t that what the mum does”?) but the desire to ‘do it all’ can be paralysing. You are not superman. Don't hesitate to seek support from your team, peers and family when possible/needed. Delegate tasks at work. The real heroes are the one who can effectively lighten the load and alleviate stress, not take more on.

Being a dad in a leadership role presents myriad challenges. But it also offers opportunities for growth. It took me a while to learn a lot of the above. But in addition it’s injected in me a new sense of purpose – knowing my actions not only impact my team but also set an example for my child. It’s also helped me further understand the importance of empathy, patience and perspective in management – I’ve found myself more naturally stepping into other people’s shoes and situations to make better decisions for individuals and teams. 

And it’s helped me more from an inspiration and creativity perspective than I could ever have imagined. Communicating to a child is like unpicking a creative brief - you need to find the simplest solution to their problem and communicate it in a way that they understand. And who knew children’s TV shows could be so inspirational (here’s looking at you, Bluey!)…

So I’m here to say that whilst there isn’t a catch-all solution to any of this, and whilst parenting is bloody tough no matter what, embracing flexibility, prioritising communication and leading with empathy can go a long way to helping navigate the complexities of fatherhood. And above all of that, remember to cherish the positive experiences. Learn from the challenges. And embrace a crazy, brilliant new world.