Carey Ely and the Power of Listening

Carey Ely is director of accounts at Virginia-based advertising agency Familiar Creatures, where she leads the agency’s account management team for clients such as Duke's Mayonnaise, Crunch Fitness, and more.

Prior to joining in 2022, she worked as senior director of marketing, card marketing at Capital One. There, Carey led a team of marketers developing go-to-market plans for all of Capital One’s premium credit cards.

Before her time at Capital One, Carey spent 20-plus years on the agency side of the industry, working on accounts in verticals such as telecom, QSR, and CPG. Her longest stint was at The Martin Agency, where she worked across lots of different categories, from one of the largest retailers (Walmart), to financial services (Discover Financials), to global work for Moen Faucets, Microsoft, luxury travel and Land O’Lakes.

Carey sits down with LBB to chat about her old swim team days in middle school, the importance of self-awareness as a leader, and the benefits of hiring an executive coach…

LBB> What was your first experience of leadership?

Carey> Not sure if you want me to go back this far, but probably during swim team days when I was in middle school.

I remember being like 11 or 12 years old, and being the closer on the relay team. I was more of a sprinter than distance swimmer; my role was usually to rally my relay team to believe in themselves. This particular time, it was to swim our best at a city championship meet. We won, and it felt like I contributed more than just the swimming. It was a bit of an ‘a-ha’ moment for me. You know, like the movie ‘Rudy’. Actually, I have no idea if that’s true… I never saw the movie.

LBB> How did you figure out what kind of leader you wanted to be – or what kind of leader you didn’t want to be?

Carey> It’s the golden rule, right? Treat others the way you want to be treated. I took what I liked from managers in how I’ve been treated and I try really hard not to carry over what I hate. That means taking a beat and thinking about what and how you say things in every moment. I’m sure I don’t always get it right, but self-awareness is huge.

LBB> What experience or moment gave you your biggest lesson in leadership?

Carey> I’ve told this story a gazillion times. I think it goes back to believing in my team and knowing that the best leaders work to remove barriers for them.

I worked at a big agency, and the process was that the partners’ rep had to see the work before large meetings. It just so happened that the account I was on had the agency’s CEO as the partners’ rep, and he wanted to see everything before this big, pivotal meeting.

However, the team decided a better approach to this meeting would be to go back to the old school tissue session, with sketches and very early ideas, but a lot of them. Then, we would be interactive with the clients to build in real time. I knew the agency’s CEO would have a very hard time evaluating that and would not be comfortable. So, I marched up to his office with sweaty palms and told him he couldn’t see the work. We were taking a different approach, and he had to trust the team. He was leaving for a cocktail party and said, ‘let me think about it. I’ll call you later’. When he called, he said, ‘I trust your judgement and the teams – go kill it’. Maybe the cocktail party helped? The meeting was a huge success. So much so that the client called up the CEO to tell them that was the best meeting they’ve had with an agency, and it changed our relationship

LBB> When it comes to 'leadership' as a skill, how much do you think is a natural part of personality, how much can be taught and learned?

Carey> Hmm, if I had to put a percentage on it, I’d say somewhere in the 60/40 or 70/30 natural/learned. I also think there is not enough leadership training provided in agencies or companies for that matter. People get promoted into management, but are never really trained for that part of the job.

LBB> What are the aspects of leadership that you find most personally challenging? And how do you work through them?

Carey> Balancing the weight of others. Knowing that your success/failure directly affects others. It’s crazy, but I don’t really see it the other way around. You’re only as good as your weakest player. However, a leader has a tonne of influence on that weakest player, to either motivate, teach and improve, or adjust the players on the team.

LBB> Have you ever felt like you've failed whilst in charge? How did you address the issue and what did you learn from it?

Carey> All the time. Failure is where you learn the most. Early in my career, I thought my way was the only way, and couldn’t see why someone would do it differently. How arrogant is that? I actually went through some leadership training that opened my eyes to how that makes others feel, perform, etc. Now, I focus on the end goal. How anyone gets there is all good as long as we’re all focused on the same goal.

LBB> In terms of leadership and openness, what’s your approach there? Do you think it’s important to be as transparent as possible in the service of being authentic? Or is there a value in being careful and considered?

Carey> I am probably too transparent for a lot of folk’s liking. I want people to be open and honest with me. I need context to understand. Therefore, I share the context as much as I can, otherwise people naturally come to their own conclusions and narratives. That can be toxic to a team. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes sheltering a team from some of the details is beneficial.

LBB> As you developed your leadership skills did you have a mentor, if so who were/are they and what have you learned? And on the flip side, do you mentor any aspiring leaders and how do you approach that relationship?

Carey> Mentors – I wish I had more. I think there are some smart people that I follow as organisational psychology experts. Otherwise, I tend to lean on past experiences of what I liked and didn’t like in leaders. A few years ago I also hired an executive coach – total game changer. Suzanne Young is someone I still consult with today.

Mentees – yes, I do. It’s actually my favourite thing to do. Psychology is a passion of mine. I probably over psychoanalysed too much. Diving into people’s perspectives, why they behave the way they do, agendas, etc., and how to navigate that is one of the things I pass on to anyone interested.

LBB> In continually changing market circumstances, how do you cope with the responsibility of leading a team through difficult waters?

Carey> I know the right answer is to stay positive and push ahead. But, let’s go back to my need for context and transparency. If you can’t acknowledge that things suck and make sure your team feels you feel that, how are you authentic? Now, you can’t stay in the muck. You have to feel the feels and then rise above and get it done. This is where the context matters, and people will get in the trenches with you to do what is needed.

LBB> As a leader, what are some of the ways in which you’ve prioritised diversity and inclusion within your workforce?

Carey> Bring it up at every opportunity. Recruiting, hiring, training, creative representation, casting, production partners, etc. I’m a big believer that diverse thought only comes from diverse players. We’ve all seen enough stuff made by White men.

LBB> How important is your company culture to the success of your business? And how have you managed to keep it alive with increases in remote and hybrid working patterns?

Carey> When I was interviewed by our co-founders Dustin Artz and Justin Bajan for this role, I said that my number one goal was for people to want to work here.

You spend a tonne of time with your coworkers, so you should create a community that people want to be a part of. I kind of hate the word ‘culture’, as I think it gets overused and doesn’t really encompass what I want this agency to build. Mostly, we’re in the office with the ability to have flexibility in working from home, or wherever. However, folks keep showing up when they can. We’re in more than we’re all out.

Over the last couple of years, I’ve been organising community-building opportunities. Some are just us as a team on our Toasting Tuesdays each month. Some are where we do volunteer work together in the Richmond community, from cleaning trails along the James River, to helping farm for those who are in food deserts, to packing food in backpacks for kids on spring break, to adopting families through a rehoming programme during the holidays.

LBB> What are the most useful resources you’ve found to help you along your leadership journey?

Carey> Reading Simon Sinek, Mel Robbins, Adam Grant, and many other psychology books. Also, my executive coach Suzanne (probably should have put her first).

Lastly, grounding myself to remind myself what I need in a leader. And most importantly, listening to what they say, and what they don’t say!